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How to argue with illogical people
By Mark | April 17, 2007
This column appeared in the Georgetown Law Weekly on April 17, 2007.
The great Roman orator Cicero once said that “Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.” You will find, especially those of you who plan to actually practice law (Section 3 need not apply), that there will be many, many idiots persisting in many, many errors over the course of your career. One of the most important skills you will learn is how to respond to such ludicrous people, arguments, and situations. If you can do it without throwing a punch or crying, so much the better.
Now, what I shall do is present with real life situations, and the proper way to respond. Please note that there will be times when you yourself are the illogical person. The more you recognize this, the more bearable you will become.
Illogical person: “I don’t care what the data say; I was raised to believe ____, and I will continue to believe ____.”
You say: “Well, I guess that we’ll have to agree to disagree. Jerk.”
See how easy it is? Let’s try another.
Illogical person: “If you believe A, then by definition you must believe B. And B is stupid, so you must be stupid.”
You: “I don’t believe B. I’ve never believed B. Why do you think that B must necessarily follow A? Jerk.”
Illogical person: “I refuse to listen to your point because you got that from (DailyKos/ Little Green Footballs/ Barzelay.net) and they are a shill for the (left wing/ right wing/ food snobs).”
You: “Then I refuse on the same grounds to accept anything you say, since you are, yourself, a shill for the jerk industry.”
Illogical person: “Your viewpoint is stupid because (insert celebrity here) agrees with you, and he/she is a moron.”
You: “Every viewpoint has a few morons attached to it. To impeach my viewpoint with the chaotic ramblings of a celebrity is spurious at best and deceitful at worst. Jerk.”
Illogical person: “I don’t like (insert culture A) because they all think that we (insert cultural myth B).”
You (If you are a foreign L.L.M.): “That is not true at all. I went to school with people from culture A, and there is a diversity of viewpoints. You can’t sum up a cultural opinion in one pithy statement.”
You (If you are an American J.D.): “Uh, I don’t think that’s true. I’ll check Wikipedia, you jerk.”
Illogical person: “It is ridiculous to complain about X, because our policy has always been X.”
You: “Saying something is ‘policy’ does not make it ‘good policy.’ As caring members of a community, it is important for us to challenge each other in an open and transparent manner. Otherwise, we would all just keep our ridiculous beliefs to ourselves, without check. Got it, jerk?”
Be aware that illogical statements are not confined to one political party or another, nor one side of an issue versus the other. While some viewpoints are more prone to attracting illogical people, it is important to remember that it is the extremes of all viewpoints that are like that. Don’t burn any bridges by slamming an entire political leaning; you’ll find that there are many, many attractive people that have that leaning, and you want to be able to flirt with them.
Thank goodness this is Mark Nabong’s penultimate column. His others can be found at ChicagoTypewriter.net.
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