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I don’t have any pants.
By Mark | September 13, 2007
I ripped my last pair of jeans this weekend. The rip is in the crotch-ish area, and am I now in dire straits. Why?
1) The hole is big enough to allow wind into it, and Chicago is cold.
I live next to the lake, which means that the draft is significant. And by “significant,” I mean extraordinarily humbling. I can walk down the street clenching the rip shut, but my neighbors don’t appreciate me going around holding my junk in public. I’ve received written confirmation of that.
2) I have no more pants.
Really. I have my suit pants, but I can’t wear out my suits until I get a job. I also can’t afford new pants, which is not what I expected when I went to law school. I’ve taken to simply wearing the most presentable boxers I have, so that the hole is simply gross to look at, and not downright nasty. Since I only have two presentable boxers, I also have to make sure that the holes in the other boxers I wear never fully lines up with the hole in the jeans. Let’s all pray that they never do.
Topics: Humor | Trackback | Comments RSS
September 21st, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Mark, some posts just call out for pictures. This is one of them. Please update.
September 25th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
Justin’s pants did that recently and I threw them away behind his back. It was seriously obscene. Anyway, he bought new ones for cheap at H & M. Just do it.
January 20th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Mark-
There is nothing wrong with being in Dire Straits. You get your money for nothin’ and your chicks for free!